An accident or injury, a single act of violence--experienced or witnessed--a profound loss, an extreme
life change...may throw some people into a situation they feel they can't escape.
It is not that they are less courageous or resilient than those who are hailed as heroes and rise up in seemingly similar situations. It is a complex issue--but usually involves the need for practical help, support and intervention that may not come. It is amazing what love, practical assistance and a variety of resources can do to make the difference between one who bounces back and one who spirals down or never seems to heal.
Multiple injuries, an intersection of events, a history of pain, loss, trauma or addiction--complicates matters. There is not even a word for it! Might as well call it the Job or Jobette Phenomenon, and know you are not the only one.
When you find a series of inexplicable events and injuries occuring, know you are not cursed! Yet it may be useful to recognize you are in an extreme circumstance, in fact, the challenge of your life, and that you really will rise.
The hallmarks tend to be events seemingly out of your control, some form of terror or anguish, physical or mental, and a decreased capacity to cope. You might feel you are going insane. You definitely feel, and often are isolated or abandoned. It is very likely you have not even considered the word trauma as a clue to the way out.
Of course a single isolated event can obviously create the same life altering trauma, although I have found that even in the case of a sudden catastrophic loss or natural disaster, so many things often DO intersect at once. One injury can easily lead to a second--because you are off-balance.
You may feel called to the impossible--and in a way you are. You are experiencing the worst a human can experience and at the same time have the potential to discover inner resources, and a quality of life, and a purpose that is far beyond your wildest dreams. You are not being called to simply suffer--although for a time it might seem that way. You are not being called to be a saint--although every saint and human who has transformed themselves has undergone a similar series of tests, to lesser or greater degree. You are not being punished and left to die, although any being, animal or human
There are few references in literature or modern culture or even religious texts that can prepare you for this experience. Self-help books that might work for others do not seem to apply. Doctors, friends you once trusted, community leaders, therapists--may walk away in puzzlement--disgust--or very often, in helplessness.
You will wonder why others seem to be rescued, supported or hailed as a hero--and for some reason you seem to be blamed. Your guilt and sense of helplessness may increase when you are most longing for support and empowerment--a way out. A gameplan. A system of recovery so you can begin to regain your life--or any life beside this present one. You don't want to be a victim--you want to rise.
You likely will turn to behaviors that will further isolate you.
This is where I found myself when I was in the thick of it and described the series of events that had occured, many said it sounded like a Stephen King Novel--or the Twilight Zone. Following a series of injuries, I was in intractable pain with no cure or treatment plan. In this time I lost my home in a hurricane, house robbed by looters, and two closest friends died--and contracted Lyme disease. I definitely lost my mind, and the events exacerbated the lifelong PTSD that I had never been treated for. Anxiety, terror, lack of identity, too many or too little emotions. They was only a thread of meaning that connected me to life. My brain would not stop going, seeking answers. I lost all hope without even knowing it, and was essentially housebound, unable to sit or walk.
Several years in, it became a state that can only be described as hell, torture or extreme suffering, with no hope of getting out. Of course my friends and family did not know what to do. I saw 50 doctors and moved from being obsessed with my symptoms and controlling the pain, to becoming spiritually obsessed. My mind became truly warped.
One of the first turning points was just hearing the phrase TRAUMA RECOVERY.
A weekend workshop opened the door for me--and gave a context for getting better. It didn't cover the physical pain or physical mobility, or even the practical aspects--like food, money and transportation--but it did help me understand something about my experience.
As the years passed I learned so much--what helped, and what didn't.
I'm sure there is a different method and path for every individual, and I am not a trained expert, but
those who helped me get better did so by offering what worked for them, and by demonstrating
through their lives that it is truly possible to recovery. Recovery is a process, not a do these four things. But there is evidence of progress, because I am making progress year by year, months by month and often day by day!
Progress in becoming who I want to be, progress in being effective, balanced, participating in life, loving others and knowing joy. Where once--as a teen--I might know a sense of freedom, balance and goodness--a sense of my True Self and enjoying life--as little as once a year--and not even know how it happened--I have that sense as part of most every day.
I loved everything new I discovered, because it was exciting to see something work--
and because it was this invisible Other, someone like me, that I began to imagine--who might benefit from any skill or tool I learned. If I kept going, if I solved an issue, I hoped one day to offer it to another. Of course I wold have to GET better, because it would never work to say--you can overcome this, even though I didn't!
The things I discovered are simple things. I will do them best to share them simply--and pray this is the longest piece in this entire blog!
The first tip is to recognize what you are dealing with. There are very few experts in this field--
and even fewer doctors and laypeople who can spot that someone is not just suffering from a loss, accident, injury or disaster--but needs to be treated for trauma.
It might give you the beginning of hope and peace to know that it is not simply pain, or loss or grieving, and it is not just a symptom that must be treated--but all of you, and that there is a way, and you don't need anything fancy and I believe you can move to recovery. It will take tremendous effort, as well as the faith to experiment and keep going--but I want to encourage you that there is a way.
I can't say that what I did and what I do will work for anyone else--and I can't say for any circumstance--or even what circumstance.
But I hope that I might assist some, as I have been assisted. We are definitely not alone, and definitely need each other.
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